What “relational” means

A relational lens pays attention to the space between partners—the signals you send, the meanings you make, and the nervous-system dance that unfolds in moments of distance or conflict. We look at:

• Attachment needs (belonging, safety, being chosen) and how they get expressed or hidden.
• Embodied cues—tone, posture, pacing—that escalate or soothe.
• Context—identities, culture, trauma history, power dynamics, neurodiversity, and stressors like money, health, or immigration.

With curiosity (not blame), we map your recurring cycle so you can recognize it early and choose a different path in real time.

What sessions are like

Early sessions focus on understanding your story and the “same fight, different topic” loop. Together we:

1. Name the cycle. For example, one partner pursues for closeness and the other withdraws to reduce pressure—both trying to protect the relationship, both getting lonelier.
2. Slow time down. We track emotions underneath the arguments—hurt, fear, longing—so you can speak them clearly and hear each other accurately.
3. Practice new moves. Brief in-session exercises help you ask for what you need, set boundaries without punishment, and repair after ruptures.
4. Build safety rituals. Small, repeatable habits—check-ins, touch points, and conflict “timeouts”—make change sustainable.

My stance is collaborative and non-pathologizing. I integrate attachment-based work (e.g., EFT principles), parts-informed dialogue (IFS-informed), and somatic grounding. If trauma is present, we pace carefully; sometimes individual trauma work runs alongside the couple work to support stability.

What changes to expect

Over time, partners often report:

• Fewer escalations and quicker repairs. You catch the cycle earlier and return to connection faster.
• Clearer communication that lands. You shift from debating facts to sharing impact and need.
• More secure intimacy. Trust grows as you experience being met, not managed.
• A shared map. Instead of “me vs. you,” it becomes “us vs. the problem.”

Common reasons people come

• We keep having the same argument (sex, chores, money, family, phones, time).
• Distance has crept in; we feel like roommates.
• Betrayal or a big rupture occurred and we want to know if repair is possible.
• Intercultural or interfaith dynamics are tender; we need language that honors both.
• One or both partners are questioning gender/sexuality; we want an affirming space.
• We’re negotiating monogamy or opening up and need tools for consent and care.

What relational therapy is not

It’s not refereeing or deciding who’s right. It’s not a quick set of communication hacks layered over pain. And it’s not about “fixing” one partner. The goal is a more secure, flexible connection—one that can hold differences, desire, boundaries, and change.

The arc of the work

Sessions 1–3: Assessment and de-escalation. We gather history, name the cycle, and create immediate safety practices.
Sessions 4–8: Deepening and re-patterning. You practice new conversations, risk small vulnerability, and try home rituals.
Beyond: Integration. We anchor what works, address sticking points, and plan for maintenance or occasional tune-ups.

Frequency is tailored to your needs; many couples start weekly or biweekly, then taper as skills consolidate.

A brief vignette

Alex and Ming arrived saying, “We never fight—but we’re miles apart.” Underneath the politeness, we discovered a pattern: when Ming felt unseen, they shut down; Alex perceived that as rejection and overfunctioned, which made Ming retreat further. Naming the dance softened defensiveness. With guidance, Ming practiced saying, “Part of me gets overwhelmed and freezes; I still want you.” Alex practiced pausing the fix-it reflex and asking, “Do you want empathy or ideas?” Over a few months, they created a nightly five-minute check-in and a weekend ritual that felt like home base. The relationship didn’t become conflict-free; it became more resilient.

If you’re considering starting

Ask yourselves:

• When conflict shows up, what do we each do to try to feel safe?
• What would be different if our needs could be named without penalty?
• Are we willing to practice small changes consistently for a few months?

If the answer is “yes” (or even “maybe”), you’re ready. Relational couples therapy offers a structured, affirming space to rebuild trust, increase joy, and learn how to be on the same team—especially when it matters most.

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