Money, at its core, is energy. It's supposed to ebb and flow, move in cycles that allow us to support ourselves, our communities, and our well-being. But for many of us, particularly those who've experienced trauma, money can feel stagnant—something we fear losing or never having enough of. For queer individuals, whose financial journeys are often tied to histories of familial rejection or systemic oppression, this sense of scarcity can be overwhelming.

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The Psychology of Money and Queer Trauma

At its core, money is neutral—a tool that can be used in many different ways depending on personal values. However, for those of us who grew up in environments where love, stability, or safety were scarce, money can come to symbolize those unmet needs. As a trauma therapist working with queer individuals, I’ve seen how deeply personal money issues can be, especially for those of us who navigate systemic oppression, discrimination, and survival.

For many queer people, financial scarcity and trauma are interconnected. Perhaps you were raised in a household where money was associated with love, power, or control. If those needs were unmet in your formative years, it’s easy to see how financial decisions later in life might be clouded by feelings of fear, guilt, or shame.

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Money as a Trigger

Many people who have experienced trauma, particularly complex trauma, have a difficult relationship with money. There might be fear of losing it, discomfort in spending it, or a belief that one doesn’t deserve financial security or wealth. For queer folks, these feelings can be heightened due to the added layer of systemic discrimination, familial rejection, or societal pressure to "make it" in a world that often sees us as lesser.

One common theme I’ve seen in my practice is the internalization of frugality as a form of self-protection. When someone grows up in a household where financial resources were scarce and love was conditional, money can take on a larger, symbolic meaning. A client in a book I’ve referenced once described their relationship with money as deeply intertwined with their childhood trauma. They were frugal to a fault, withholding from themselves the resources they needed because, in their mind, money equaled love and stability—something they never received. By holding onto money, they unconsciously sought to control an aspect of their life that had always felt unstable.

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Resisting Capitalism While Embracing Financial Empowerment

As queer individuals, many of us naturally resist capitalism because we see the harm it causes in terms of exploitation, inequality, and how it punishes the most vulnerable among us. However, it’s important to recognize that money itself is not inherently evil or harmful. It is, as mentioned earlier, a neutral tool that can be used for good or ill. The key is to redefine our relationship with it.

Financial empowerment doesn’t have to mean chasing wealth for wealth’s sake. It can mean feeling secure, being able to support yourself and your community, and using money as a tool for care and compassion. We can hold space for resisting the harmful aspects of capitalism while still recognizing that money allows us to create safe, nurturing environments where we and those we love can thrive.

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Moving from Fear to Proactivity
How do we go from fearing money to becoming proactive about it? Instead of viewing money as something stagnant, start to see it as energy—something that ebbs and flows. It is meant to move, to be spent when needed and saved when appropriate, but not clung to out of fear.

Acknowledging the Fear: The first step is to acknowledge the fear and trauma around money. It's okay to feel this way, and it’s valid. Many of us carry a lot of shame or guilt around money because we’ve been told we’re not deserving or because we’ve seen it used to control or manipulate others.

Money Should Never Be Above People: It’s important to remember that financial well-being should not come at the expense of others. Money is a tool, not the goal. Prioritize your needs and those of your community over the mere accumulation of wealth.

Shifting Your Mindset: Start viewing money as a tool rather than a measure of your worth. Money doesn’t define your value, but it can provide resources that give you the freedom to live authentically and thrive.

Creating Financial Safety: Set small, achievable goals to build financial security. This might mean saving a small amount each month, paying down debt, or simply being more conscious of where your money goes. Building this safety can help reduce the fear and anxiety tied to money.

Community Wealth-Building: Think about how your financial empowerment can also benefit others in your community. Whether it's through mutual aid, donations, or simply supporting queer-owned businesses, your financial decisions can help uplift those around you. Allow yourself to be rich.

Release Guilt and Control: If money was used to control you or create guilt, know that you have the power to rewrite that narrative. You are allowed to feel empowered by your finances, to use them in ways that support your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

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Envisioning Your Future Relationship with Money

As you reflect on your relationship with money, ask yourself: What kind of relationship do I want to build with money? Do you want it to continue being a source of fear, anxiety, and control? Or do you want to move toward a healthier, more proactive relationship with it? What would it feel like to view money not as a source of stress but as a tool to support your life and your community?

Imagine a future where your relationship with money is grounded in stability, freedom, and empowerment. Where you take control of your financial destiny—not by hoarding or fearing loss, but by allowing it to ebb and flow naturally, as energy should. Where money is no longer a weapon used against you or a symbol of your worth, but simply a resource that supports your safety and well-being.

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